In highschool, it seems no one actually takes relationships seriously, and those that do have a tendency to take them way too seriously.From what I’ve experienced, it seems teenage boys aren’t ever looking for anything more from young women than sex. And teenage girls are looking for love, acceptance, loyalty, trust.
These days a lot of people don’t even call relationships, relationships anymore. They call it “the Talking Stage”. Like what even is that? I could ask a friend, “oh so you guys are dating?” and they’ll say along the lines of “Nah, we just talk.” Like what? It confuses me, and a lot of other girls, I’m sure. Society has made “the Talking Stage” so normal that it seems people don’t actually even get into full relationships because they can’t get past the talking stage as if it’s an extra hard level on Super Mario that you have to get your friend to pass for you. It’s all crazy to me. I really don’t understand it. People aren’t calling themselves boyfriend and girlfriend, because they think labels are too serious and require them to work through complex relationship levels. Which, I can almost understand because people our age play too many games to be out here just calling anybody your boyfriend without looking stupid in the end. Eh, I get the talking stage I guess, after all.
And that hurts because a lot of us take it to heart when guys our age treat us like just another girl in the crowd after we’ve put so much time and consideration into our outfits, our hair, and conversations, just to realize in the end that all he wanted was sex. I’ve learned, that most guys in their teenage years really don’t care about our feelings, our likes and dislikes, nor our interests, and aspirations in life… like, at all. It doesn’t take long at all to figure out what exactly a guy is actually interested in because he can’t hold back in pursuing the physical.
One could be having a normal text conversation with a guy and it can go from him asking, “what are you up to?” to “what are you wearing?” very quickly. It’s annoying. But sometimes they know just what to say and how to say it to get what they want outta you. They’ll smooth talk you, whisper sweet nothings in your ear, and before you know it, they’ve gotten what they wanted and disappeared. Too many girls I know, including myself, fall for their act, and end up heartbroken in the end realizing that you’re now just another notch on his belt. Sigh. Over time, I’ve learned to accept that guys my age aren’t looking for a serious relationship. Not one that doesn’t involve sex anyways. I’ve begun to try focus on more important things like the next color I should get my nails painted, or should I get a side part or a middle part with this next sew-in, ya feel me? By taking the pressure off of the idea of falling in love, I’m able to better guard my heart.
For most of my life, I’ve lived with my great-grandparents. So you can imagine that my upbringing has been completely old school. I’ve never been to a party, I rarely go to sleepovers, and dating seems virtually impossible. I’ve had one boyfriend my in my sixteen years when lots of girls my age have had four or five. My grandparents made everything hard. If he wanted to come over to my house to just chill, we had to sit on the front porch so that we could be easily seen, we weren’t really allowed to hug, and definitely no kissing. It kind of sucked to look at other couples my age and hear about them going to dinner together, going to the movies and going on beach dates; when my boyfriend and I could really only go to church together. Man, my little feelings would be so hurt. I also noticed that all of these relationships involved sex. My boyfriend and I never had time alone so we really weren’t physically involved. But looking at other relationships, and what they were doing kind of made me feel like our relationship was moving too slow and that we were kind of childish.
Until I started seeing some of those same relationships having trouble with STDs and pregnancies. Now I don’t know about anybody else but I definitely can do without chlamydia, let alone a kid. After witnessing that, I realized that you don’t need sex to have a mature relationship. And what everyone else is doing doesn’t dictate how mature your relationship is. Basically, don’t fall victim to peer pressure. Being one of those girls that every guy can’t say they had, will make you even more special to the guy that you do eventually marry.
One thing I can say that’s good about relationships as a teenager, is having experience for the future, and learning lessons that will definitely benefit you in the long run. Dating in highschool is like dipping your toe into the two-foot section of the swimming pool of life. You’re just testing the waters to see what you like and don’t like about it, so by the time you’re actually mature enough to swim, you can just take your floaties off and dive in the deep end. Dating in high school has it’s ups and downs of course, just like every part of life. And as teenagers, we’re going to make lots of mistakes, whether in the dating world or just life in general. But I’ve learned that there are really no stupid mistakes other than the ones you don’t learn from.
I just have this weird gut feeling that I’m going to be twenty-seven at the altar at my wedding with my husband to be, about to say our I Dos, and the Pastor is going to look at us and say “So, y’all talk?”
C’Javia Jones, AKA Cee Jay, is a 16 year old highschool student. She loves poetry, hip-hop and pizza. Cee Jay is passionate about living life to the fullest and allowing God to lead her towards her purpose.