Let’s get real. Relationships ARE real. Whether the relationship is of your doing or God’s, the realness is sure to come – lol. I have had the pleasure of being led into the latter, but I’ve also endured the pain of the former. Through them both, though, God has shown me His purpose and what inside of ME is worth keeping but also what should be down for the count. I’m SO grateful for the PROCESS, but it has surely had its discouraging moments. Here are some of the things I have learned through my process. Listen, Sis! I’m trying to help – LOL. Oh, and I’m going to give you three, because that’s kinda my number.
- You BOTH are the prize.
- Yes, he should pursue you. No, you shouldn’t pursue him (if you desire the God-ordained kind of relationship). However, the work that is required in the relationship in order for the two of you to GROW together will require both of you. He can’t be the only one doing the work, making the changes, bending and mending the breaks in your heart. You have to work together. And if God sent him to you, he’s just as much of a prize as you are. Don’t be like me and be so heaven-bent on him learning the ins and outs of you while you sit like a doll in a china cabinet enjoying his exploration. He’s just as intricate as you. His journey to his current state is just as laced with God’s grace as yours is. Learn him. Appreciate him. He’s worthy, too.
- The issues you have in non-romantic relationships will likely show up in your romantic relationship.
- As you and your boo get to know one another, you will “re-” discover all those issues you never really dealt with in your past (or present). If you sought out friends and family when you felt down because you thought it would fill a void, you’re going to seek him out too, but he won’t always be available. And it’s gonna break your heart, and no, it (your achy, break heart) just won’t understand. This relationship is more intimate, more vulnerable. So it probably will hurt more. Ask the Lord to show you your holes now so that you can truly be whole when your “person” comes. Perfection and self-actualization are not the goals pre-relationship, but wholeness is. “he” isn’t going to fill ANY void for you, but “He” will fill EVERY single one.
- LEARN TO LIVE IN THE MOMENT. (Yes, this is supposed to be in ALL CAPS.)
- I promise, you can talk, overanalyze, reason, logic-ify (made it up, no shame), and downright MESS UP your blessing by constantly questioning it.
“But, Lord, am I worthy?” YEP.
“Are you sure?” GIRL!
“But I’m still working on some thi-” STOP IT!
“I’m just saying, my friend over here is living more holy, surely she deser-” Do you want the blessing or don’t you?
MY BAD, LORD!
I am so super guilty of this. You know, you pray a prayer to God so that when it happens, you’ll know, because you’ll recognize the specific things you asked for. And then it happens, it appears, and you question the L.I.F.E. out of that thing! It’s interesting… And ironic, too, that one of the scariest things God can do is answer your prayers. You begin to wonder if it’s really an answered prayer…like, “God, you for real? Like for REAL for real?” God is not trying to trick you. It’s outside of His nature to do so. He wants to bless you. He wants you to enjoy this life to the fullest. His fulfillment of your heart’s desire is not a test. He’s actually blessing you and allowing you to enjoy the abundant life His Son D-I-E-D and ROSE to give you because He WANTS to. He does answer your prayers. Rest in His love and His answers – it’s all legit. #EveryGoodAndPerfectGiftIsFromAbove
There you have it! By no means is this an exhaustive list, but these have been the biggest revelations/lessons I’ve learned in my courtship. It’s been SUCH a beautiful journey. And yours will be, too. I hope my mess ups will assist you, even in the smallest bit, in your “bless ups”!
Aaaaaaanddd, guess what! I’m like your favorite teacher who told you there were 29 questions on the quiz but gave you a bonus question at the end. You’re welcome. LOL!
- Don’t compare! I know you already know this, so why are you still being contrary?
- Everyone’s got a list of things to look for in a mate. What happened for them. And of course they swear by it because it’s their life, their experience. So, remember: IT’S THEIR LIFE, THEIR EXPERIENCE! There is not a cookie-cutter way to embark upon or journey through a relationship, even a Godly one. We’re all different and God is bringing different things out of us through our relationships. I encourage you to get acquainted with God, on an intimate level, and see what He has to say on the matters that will arise in your mind and heart related to a current or coming relationship. He knows you and your guy better than either of you and He’s the best confidant and counselor. Don’t get me wrong, my girls have gotten me THRU some things, you hear me!? But they also always consulted God first on my behalf, if necessary, and let me know that my experience would be unique to me. People are experts on their experience—no one can give you an all-knowing answer for YOUR experience except the all-knowing God.
Whew! Okay, done!
Karlyne C. Robinson is multiple things, but most importantly, someone who loves Jesus, loves her family, and loves the life she has been called to live.
In her spare time, you can find her spending quality time with family, loved ones, and friends; watching the Gators murk any other team that comes into The Swamp (Go Gators!); eating delicious food, especially Dragonfly Sushi (Slammin’ Salmon, please); and thoughtfully questioning life and everything in it.
She earned her bachelor’s degree from the University of Florida in psychology and has counseled many students, friends, and family over the last 6 years. She has intentionally dedicated the last 4 years of her life to personal development, self-exploration and discovery, and spiritual maturation.