I am so excited about the time we spent together last Wednesday discussing the balancing act of being a mama. There was so much to share and so little time! I promise to set aside more time on June 21st as we discuss COURTSHIP!
But, before I can get sidetracked (as I am apt to do, lol) I want to answer the questions or respond to some of the thoughts you all sent during and after our chat.
Question 1: Any advice for a mother of 3 that becomes frustrated with being stretched out by the day to day tasks?
- Breathe. And I mean big gulps of air that force you to stop speaking or reacting and just focus on pulling in as much air as you can. Then release it and immediately ask the Lord to help you to prioritize. Everything on your list won’t get done in one sitting. Take the time to list out the tasks that need to be completed and then put them in the order of importance AND consider how likely it is that you will be able to get it done in the amount of time you have. Your three kiddos require your attention and care, but to effectively provide that your mind has to be clear from worrying about all of your other responsibilities. So, work your list and then once you have hit the “deadline” you’ve set, walk away. It’s time to sit and enjoy your children, or have “you” time, or move on to preparing for the next day. The less we fill our day with “tasks” and more with reasonable accomplishment, we will be less inclined to give into stress and despair.
- Engage the kiddos! Look at the day to day tasks that don’t change and see how you can involve the entire household. Make it a game. Rotate the tasks between the 3, that they can handle, and you take care of the rest. Put a timer on and race to see who can complete everything on their list first. Of course with the disclaimer that it has to be done WELL. No cutting corners! You can also put up a board that highlights the winner for the week, which will help to motivate everyone to pitch in.
- Change “day to day” to every other day. May I be frank? Good. Some stuff just doesn’t have to happen EVERY day. Seriously. It doesn’t change the quality of your life if you aren’t sweeping every day. It won’t hinder your interactions with your children if you don’t put the clothes away immediately after folding.
- Learn to let things go. Those areas that cause you frustration need to be prayed over, set aside and left for a bit. This time away allows you to re-focus on the bigger picture of having a happy, healthy home and to release all of the negative energy that perhaps surrounds your perception of the task at hand.
Question 2: What is your typical morning routine when you have small ones who won’t cooperate?
- I wake up. This sounds too simple but it’s real. I typically get up before everyone and take a few minutes for myself to just mentally prepare and thank Him for another opportunity to enjoy living.
- Pray a good prayer. Not the “Lord, I thank you for today. Please don’t let anybody try me and make sure I get that raise kind”. But the kind where I am genuinely thankful and ask that HE guide me throughout the day, give me peace and allow me the opportunities to be an example of Him to others.
- Read a good and strong scripture. If you know that when you walk outside of your home that there are no guarantees, you need to have fortified your spirit with HIS. Get His word into you so that when attacks come, you can speak with authority over them and remind yourself of WHO YOU ARE.
- Drink a really big cup of coffee. Look, when you are sleep training, as we are in the Pindar household, you have to be realistic about your limitations. I need caffeine.
- I try to always greet my children with a smile, hug and/or kiss and prepare them for a positive day. They don’t always respond positively but in time they do. Our attitude is contagious.
Question 3: How do you parent boys in today’s society?
- I’m not sure how I do it most days. I constantly have to step back and allow God to calm my heart and anxiety because I am definitely the mom who worries about every little interaction that my little ones encounter. I just am.
- I speak/pray affirmations over my children daily. I speak that they will be powerhouses for Jesus. I speak that they will be leaders and not easily swayed by others. In fact, I pray that they will sway others to Him. I speak that they will change the world for Him. I speak general affirmations in that I believe He will care for, cover and provide for my children. I pray over them that they will continue to be a gift to our family.
- I don’t allow others to curse around my children, nor do I allow my children to watch or listen to inappropriate media. That includes sexually explicit, violent or crass humor. I think it is so important that we guard our children’s minds and hearts from what is not beneficial to them.
- I love my family (and friends) but if their daily activities are not what I want my children to exposed to, especially in their formative years, my children are not around them when they engage in those activities or around them period.
- I keep in mind that I cannot protect them from everything but I can pray that they are comfortable enough with me (and Robbie!) to discuss ANYTHING they may encounter or feel so that we can discuss the best way to address it and move forward.
- I try to maintain boundaries (sometimes I give in to those pleas though) and provide them with a reasonable routine and home life.
- I generally try to ensure that the atmosphere at home is laid back and happy. If they can’t enjoy their time at home, they may be tempted to seek fulfillment elsewhere.
Question 4: How do you maintain your spiritual life?
- I deliberately set aside time during the day to read my word or just pray. Even if it is just for 30 minutes. I have found that by being intentional with my time with Him, other areas have worked themselves out.
- I don’t rush Him. If He wants me to sit with Him, I do. If He wakes me up, I pray for understanding. I give Him the opportunity to lead me to the conclusion HE desires.
- I am actively involved in ministry which forces me to maintain my study. It’s like a non-human accountability partner.
- I constantly seek Him out, I constantly ask Him to lead me, and then I listen when He leads me. That is a conscious set of decisions to involve Him in my daily activities. That maintains our connection.
Question 5: How do you maintain a romantic relationship with your husband?
- Accept your friends and family’s offers to help with babysitting!! LOL. You have to get over the fear of being a nuisance. Let your people help you. Don’t abuse their generosity but remember that if your hubby isn’t being taken care of, then your foundational relationship will suffer. He’s your FIRST ministry and you have to make him a priority.
- We have actually set aside time right after I drop the boys off in the morning and before I pick them up. We take that time to connect and speak about our thoughts and goals. Not super romantic but still connecting.
- We hold hands. I’m IN to PDA. I think that it helps when he knows I want to be near him. We don’t have to be all over to each other just in each other’s space.
- We still write love notes to each other.
- We get away for our anniversary every year. Well, Robbie calls it our “honeymoon” still. We don’t always go far, but we GO and we FOCUS on one another. We take the time to discuss how we have grown and where we want to grow.
- We have weekly check-ins (sometimes we miss them) about how well we are communicating, is there a way we can communicate or love the other better etc
- I flirt with my husband. Scandalously. No one should appreciate, ego stroke or love on my husband more than I do. No one.
- We still talk to each other late into the night. Just like when we were dating.
That about covers it! I am so excited about all of the discussion surrounding motherhood and the balancing act that it is. If you have any other areas you want to chat about, feel free to send them to me. Remember, this community is built on learning and growing. It’s a collective.