It’s the season of the new “Boo”. We all know what I mean… Your BFF has now found love and is with the one who could potentially be her “Mr. Forever”. The relationship is becoming serious and you’re starting to feel left out. Girl time, phone calls, and texts are few and far between because someone else is now taking up “your” time. What is a girl to do? These feelings are natural but how you handle them will show your true character and the type of friend you truly are.
I’ve taken on the perspective that life happens in phases and we all go through transitions. The big question is how do we deal with sharing our BFF? I mean come on, it’s YOUR BFF. You made a vow to be best friends FOREVER. No matter what. Perhaps it is best to view these friendships as covenant relationships. They should never be entered in to or taken lightly. Friendships, especially godly ones, requires sacrifice, unconditional love, and spiritual accountability. Part of being a good friend is being supportive in every phase and season of each other’s life including the season of the new “Boo”. True “friends love at all times…” Proverbs 17:17.
What I absolutely love, is that God calls us His “friends”. So shouldn’t we be mindful and take great care in who we bestow that honor upon? When you are determining WHO your friend (best or otherwise) is, look for the person who will push you towards Christ, walk with you in love and grow with you through each season. When she knows and understands that you only want the best for her and are supportive during this time, it makes it easier for her to listen to your opinion and perspective. That’s what true friendship is, a commitment to growth and learning to love as God loves us. If we think more about what we build our friendships ON, we will worry less about what our friendships FACE.
As you grow and mature in your friendships you begin to learn each other. Learn your BFF’s heart. What they love, desire, their goals and aspirations. If you know that one day they want to be married then help them prepare for that season in their life. When she enters her season of dating it won’t be a surprise. Yes, she will go through heartbreaks and break ups but continue to be there for her. Cover her in prayer, for her eyes to be open and heart ready to receive when he comes along. Actually pray together for those things, for each other. Prayer can do a lot more than our well-intended “words” can. Job 16 verses 16-21 says, “My intercessor is my friend as my eyes pour out tears to God; on behalf of a man he pleads with God as one pleads for a friend.”
Be confident in your friendship and the value it holds. Friendships take time and commitment to develop and grow. It’s worth the investment. Make it a point to spend time together. Anything where it’s just the two of you, that you enjoy doing together. If you’re starting to feel neglected say something. Sometimes we place false expectation on our BFF’s to know when we need a little extra attention and become a bothered when they don’t initiate it. Communicate how you’re feeling. Don’t harbor unhappy thoughts or complain to your other friends (Proverbs 16:28). And definitely don’t immediately start placing blame on the new guy. If her current boyfriend is the one for her he will value what she values, and love what she loves including her friendships. If he truly loves her, he will nurture every part of her and encourage her to continue to cultivate and grow in every aspect of her life. It should never be a competition between the two of you because both of you individually hold a unique and special place in her heart. But be aware that if he is “the one”, he will also encourage her to walk away from toxic or detrimental friendships. In the grand scheme of things, if he ends up being her husband he is called to lead and cover her. He will not look kindly on a friendship that sows discord, discontent and discouragement. Don’t be the girl who drains her friend and thinks that she will still make the cut.
Be the friend that you want. Friends should never become envious or jealous of each other. The Bible tells us that jealousy is a form of witchcraft and that being envious is a sin. If you feel yourself starting to develop those feelings step back, pray, and self evaluate. Maybe it’s not your time. God’s timing is perfect. He knows what we need and when to give it to us. He promised not to withhold any good thing from us. Remember that we are called to love our neighbors as ourselves and that includes those we are blessed to call, friend. If you find yourself battling these emotions, be transparent with yourself and your friend. You might be surprised by how easily it is resolved.
But let’s be real, friends are imperfect. We sometimes can become so involved in our current (romantic) relationship that we don’t see what’s right in front of us. Pray and use discernment when you want to tell your BFF something about her boyfriend that may change the course of their relationship or potentially hurt her. Remember that because you have taken time to grow and nurture a godly friendship there is a level of trust that is created. Therefore, when you come to her she trusts what you have to say and will listen. Proverbs 27:6 says, “wounds from a friend can be trusted” because she knows you would never intentionally do or say anything to hurt her. So make sure that you are coming to her after you have prayed and are sure that this is not a personal issue but an issue of importance to HER. The conversation may be difficult (even horrible!) but use it as an opportunity to grow and expand your way of thinking based on the mutual love and respect you have for one another. If you see your BFF begin to stray from her relationship with God or see that she is beginning to make unwise decisions as a result of her current relationship, speak up! As Christians we share a responsibility in holding each other accountable. “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17) Trust me, if she is your god-ordained BFF, she will see the love in your perspective.
That takes us nicely into the point that God has ordained friendship. Remember Ecclesiastes 4:9-10? He uses friendship as a tool to help us experience more of His fullness, to grow in Him and for His glory. We weren’t meant to walk this journey alone. Our friendships and relationships should push us closer to Him and towards our purpose in life. People should see His light and love shining brightly through our friendships. The Bible speaks of the importance of friendships and the role that they play in our daily lives and spiritual walk. It’s too valuable of a thing to let misplaced feelings or anxiety over a new Boo come between you. There should never be competition, only elevation. Think of it less as being “replaced” and more as a time to “enhance”. Try reading Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 whenever you need to be reminded how important your friendship is to Jesus.
God saw and knew what I needed when He blessed me with my BFF, who is one of the greatest blessings in my life. As I have watched, walked, prayed, cried and laughed with her through the various seasons in her life I have never questioned her love, commitment, and loyalty to our friendship. I know without a shadow of a doubt, when my season comes she will be front row and center cheering me on. Because above all else, we have committed our friendship to Christ and pursuing His glory through our interactions. I encourage you to do the same in your friendships.
So remember, that what you CAN do, is everything you USED to do. Just in moderation. Take the road trips, catch the latest flick, have a gabfest over coffee, do the random run to the store, text the funny story and do ministry together. The trick is to schedule, be flexible and communicate the priorities on your girl time list. Your god-ordained friendships are not meant to disappear just because one (or both) of you begin courting or get married. They are, in fact, meant to be a source of godly wisdom, sisterly encouragement and personal accountability. This is a forever thing. Don’t let trivial things stand in its way. For your purpose together is greater than any challenge, misunderstanding, or misplaced emotion could ever be.
You’re never “caught in the middle” when you are secure in your friendship and you only want the best for your BFF, including the new Boo.
Smile, your season is coming too!
From one BFF to another,
Hi loves! It’s me again. Back in the writer’s seat. Traveling is still one of my favorite things to do whether it be on a plane or short drive in a car. Life is too short not to take time out to enjoy it. My family and friends mean the world to me but I’m learning that it’s okay to take time out for ME. You can only be as good to others as you are to yourself. Because I’m an organizer and planner it’s still a little hard to turn off work mode but I’m getting better. LOL. l I’m still a laid back girl, living a big city life in my small town of Gainesville. The most important thing is that I’m still growing in grace and love and discovering His perfect will for my life. It’s always a pleasure spending time with you all in our spot. xoxo